Big blue eyes just like mine.
Big blue eyes our little man has taken me on a journey through time.
Big blue eyes confronting, exciting, an overwhelming sense of pride,
Big blue eyes every emotion, every sense, love, fear, smell, touch, the ultimate happiness but when I look through his eyes to my inner mind I cry.
This article/ blog / post is something I have wanted to write since the 4th of July 2017, the day my son was born.
Each time I put it off by giving myself a reason to wait, to wait till another experience with my son sparks my mind, to wait for a time where I will have peace to think about what to write, or to wait for the day where I will no longer need to write this.
Today I decided not to wait but to write.The last 12 weeks of my life have taught me so much about myself, my inner thoughts, hopes, dreams and insecurities have been magnified every time I look into my sons eyes. When I look at my son I see limitless potential, the most purest form of being I have ever experienced, no worries, no thinking about work, no thinking whether trump will go to war with Kim jon ung, no thinking if I am good enough and no second guessing your actions but just being, just taking in your surroundings and absorbing everything that you can see, hear, smell and touch for the first time. This is purity this is un-moulded by society this is unlimited potential.
And then I look at my sons face and see a little scar that he got coming into this world and I wonder if kids will make fun of him when he is at school as I did to other kids and they did to me and will their words make him sad like the cruel words of children often do? it also awakens old scars in me that I had long buried but now I know they still haunt me and now I am looking into my sons eyes and I think what if my past is my sons future? It brings up my past and the emotions and thoughts that start running through my head are insightful, scary and yet so very very potent. It gives me an opportunity to make peace with my past and realise that my son’s future is not yet here it is still to come, but in the end just like his dad he will be fine no matter what the future holds and when his future does come it will be his eyes that experience it and not mine and he will have his own journey that will ultimately shape his life, that journey will have many turns good and bad and one day he will find the path he wants to take and when he does his eyes will see nothing else and that path will be seen through his eyes and not mine and that is fine
.I have So many questions that won’t be answered for decades, what will he be like, who will be his first love, his first heart break, what will he want to be when he grows up, what will the world be like when he grows up, will he love his son as much as I love him, will he love me as much as I love him?
These questions have also helped me relearn many lessons long forgotten that because of looking into my sons future I have remembered my past and the lessons I have relearned can hopefully if my son needs it, help him at any turn his life takes.The past 12 weeks of my life and the first 12 weeks of my sons have been nothing like I thought it would be, my son is only 12 weeks old but he has taught me more about myself in a 10 second locking of our eyes that I can’t recall learning from anyone or any experience that I have had yet in my life the wisdom of youth is a precious and invaluable thing.No doubt I will learn more and more lessons from my son, this post was written more for my own purposes as I wanted to get this on paper I also wanted to share it and have no idea whether this post will be helpful or insightful to anyone but myself but I also hope that it connects with other parents and potentially gives them an opportunity to reflect and dwell on the time machine that is their children’s eyes. I am also once again hoping from an almost selfish part of me that my son will think this way as well when he gets older and may find this post useful and give him an insight into his old mans mind. If you do read this one day my son your dad thanks and loves you from the bottom of his heart.
To conclude I have been given a gift that i am yet to receive, but also something I have always had, it is truly unique and it is something that I could never buy, replace or trade for anything in the world, that gift is my past present and future life regiven, received and promised all from looking into my sons eyes that gift is my life’s greatest prize.
My sons eyes big and blue.
My sons eyes pure and ultimately true.
My sons eyes wise, teaching something that can only be taught by unshaped youth.
My sons eyes are mine, his mums both of us combined.
My sons eyes helped open mine nice and wide.My sons eyes the gift I’ll treasure till the end of time.
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